Everyone human being performs better in the atmosphere of a healthy relationship of sincere fellowship. No one was created to exist alone, we all need each other. Due to this fundamental truth we must be able to live and interact with people in a lovable and courteous manner. However, as important as this aspect of human existence is, it can become an avenue of inflicting injuries that will take a long time to heal if one does not understand the principles that guides it. To understand the principles that guide fellowship, we must first and foremost understand what it is, how it is established, how to maintain and sustain it. In this article, I will want us to look at the major key words: Establish, Maintain, sustain, true and fellowship.
ESTABLISH: To establish something means to create, start, found, institute, ascertain, and launch something.
MAINTAIN: To maintain something means to uphold, continue, sustain, preserve, keep, keep, and retain something.
SUSTAIN: To sustain something means to maintain, continue, prolong, carry on, protract, keep on, uphold, and to keep something going.
TRUE: True means factual, accurate, correct, right, proper and exact.
FELLOWSHIP: Fellowship means companionship, friendship, friendliness, partnership, association, society, etc. This denote that it is an act of togetherliness where the individuals involved share a common interest, get acquainted, get close, become familiar and enjoy some level of affiliation and alliance. This encourages the ability to be to be responsive, involve in the affairs of others, stay connected in sincererity, and exhibit a high level of kindliness, openness, easiness, affability, outgoingness and civilized relationships.
Therefore, in the light of the above definition, to establish, maintain and sustain true fellowship means the action implemented to create, start, institute, uphold, continue, preserve, retain, prolong, and carry on factual, accurate and proper act of friendship, partnership, association and alliance with the sole purpose of achieving an end of mutual benefits and outstanding fulfillment. Any association that is void of this fundamental truth in its process of formation is simply not a fellowship, and it will never produce the common benefits of mutual edification.
Now what are the fundamental actions? That is what this article is all about. The steps below, if taken with positive spirit will help anyone to establish, maintain and sustain true fellowship.
HOW TO ESTABLISH, MAINTAIN AND SUSTAIN TRUE FRIENDSHIP
1. Education: You must teach the basic skills of relationships to those whom you want to enjoy fellowship with. It takes God’s power and your personal to motivate people to build and sustain a healthy relationship. Many people grew up in families of unhealthy relationships, so they lack the relational skills needed for real fellowship. They must be taught how to get along with people. If you are tired of fake fellowship and want to develop real fellowship and a polity of genuine friends you must pay attention to this truth.
2. Honesty: You must care enough to speak the truth in a loving way, even when you would rather gloss over a problem or ignore an issue. If you want to build genuine fellowship with people, you must create an atmosphere where people can speak up without being afraid of penalization. An honest answer is a true sign of friendship. Be frank, for men love and appreciate frankness more than flattery.
3. Humility: Humility means meekness, modesty, and unassuming nature. This character trait means nothing but it buys everything.
“"Live in harmony with each other. Do not try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. Do not think you know it all. Give more honors to others than to your self. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others’’
Self importance, smugness, pride, disobedience, and stubbornness destroy fellowship faster than anything else. Pride builds walls between people, but humility builds bridges. Humility is the oil that smoothes and soothes relationships. Clothe yourself with humility toward one another. The proper dress code for fellowship is humble attitude.
However, humility is not thinking less of yourself but rather think of your self less.
4. Resolve Conflict Correctly: When conflict is resolved correctly, we grow closer to each other. Until you care enough to confront and resolve the underlying barriers, you will never grow close to each other. No matter what happens never use harsh words when you are correcting an older man, but talk to him as if he were your father, talk to younger men as if they were your brother, talk to older women as if they were your mothers and younger women as if they were your sisters.
No matter what happens never use harsh words when you are correcting an older man, but talk to him as if he were your father, talk to younger men as if they were your brother, talk to older women as if they were your mothers and younger women as if they were your sisters.
5. Confidentiality: Only in a safe environment of warm acceptance and trusted confidentiality will people open up and share their deepest hurts, feelings, needs, and mistakes. What is shared with you in secrete should not be broadcasted in the open. Gossip is spread by wicked people; they stir up trouble and break up friendship, courses hurt, divisions, and sometimes create life enemies.
6. Regular contact: This will help to build the bond of intimacy that cannot be easily broken. You must spend a lot of time together with people to build deep relationship that enhance life impacting fellowship.
7. Courtesy: Courtesy is the act of respecting the individuality of a person, being considerate of each others feelings, being patient with people who irritates us. We must bear the burden of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others. In every society there are people who are difficult. These are people with special emotional needs, deep insecurities, irritating mannerisms or poor social skills. They are what is referred to as the EXTRA GRACE REQUIRED (EGR) people. To fellowship with such people you must understand where they are coming from. The place of hurt feelings; the place of no love; the place of lack of display of affection; the place where self interest is given uppermost priority; the place of betrayal. If you understand this and try to put yourself in their shoes you will be able to understand why they behave the way they do.
Be devoted to each other like loving family and excel in showing respect for each other.
8. Demonstrate Sympathy and Empathy: To build, maintain and sustain true fellowship, we must be both sympathetic and empathetic. We must show high level of understanding, compassion, consideration, kindness, pity and commiseration with those with whom fate and misfortune has laid heavy weight on. We must be able to enter and share in the pains of others. As people that were created to fulfill divine purpose, we must be sympathetic and empathetic, kind, humble, gentle and patient with our fellow human being. When this is done we can true say that we are our brother’s keeper, and the bond love will improve, increase and unbreakable.
We need sympathy and empathy in our relationship with people because this satisfies two fundamental needs of human beings:
The need of validation of feelings: The people we interact with on a daily basis need confirmation, justification and corroboration of feelings. Their feelings need to be supported. They need us to affirm and support them emotionally, and also they want us to make them feel welcomed, supported, admired, approved and justified. This can only be done if we are sympathetic and empathetic with others.
The need to be understood: Men and women need their fellow human to understand them. It is dangerous for you to judge people based on wrong premises. Those who form the habit of misunderstand intentions cannot build a formidable relationship, and inevitably cannot maintain a healthy fellowship with others. When others are in pain do you feel it as though you were the one that is actually going through that situation? If your answer to that question is no, then you need to check your life and find out if you are a plus or a minus to people around you. We need to enter into each others pain and help to carry their burden in one way or the other according to our ability. When you constantly form the habit of giving excuse for not participating in the activities of others in a friendly and supportive way, you are building a life style that will inevitably land you loneliness tomorrow. You will lack the required relational skills in fellowshipping with others; you will lack feelings for people. You may be in their midst but you do not feel them.
People are motivated to live happily and purposefully when they have people around them who sympathize and empathize with them. And every time you understand and affirm somebody’s feelings, you are building friendship that will last till eternity and do you good at many instances at places you least expect. A despairing man who have the devotion of his friends in the time of time of distress shall be encourages and motivated to live a meaningful life all the days of his life.
Every time you understand and affirm somebody’s feelings, you are building friendship that will last till eternity and do you good at many instances at places you least expect. A despairing man who have the devotion of his friends in the time of time of distress shall be encourages and motivated to live a meaningful life all the days of his life.
9. Mercy: Mercy is the action of showing compassion, clemency, pity, forgiveness, kindness, understanding, leniency and sympathy. If you must build, maintain and sustain true fellowship with others you must be able create enough room in your heart to accommodate the mistakes and short comings of others even as they are tolerating your own. We all have character problems, even the best of men have. Your area may be different from the other person, it does not mean that you are that most perfect. What some body else detest may be your favorite. That is life for you! Fellowship is an atmosphere of grace where mistakes are rubbed out. It is an atmosphere where mercy reigns over justice.
It is very difficult for people with different biological background or seemingly similar background to interact with one offending the other. But when you are offended the way you handle it matters. When men sin against you, do not condemn them rather comfort them and correct them in love so that they will not give up in despair. Do not hold grudges, against your fellow man, for bitterness and resentment always destroy friendship and fellowship. There is no way you can live and have fellowship with people without you hurting them or them hurting in some ways, because we are all imperfect. Though we are striving toward perfection, we will inevitably hurt each other when we are together for either a short or a long enough time. Some time we hurt others deliberately and some time unintentionally, but either way we must learn to accommodate each others fault, forgive one another so that we can fellowship with a purified mental attitude.
In the light of the aforementioned, I will like to emphasize the following truth:
Forgiveness is instant but trust is time: Forgiveness does not mean the practice of foolishness. If someone forms the habit of offending you often, you are required to forgive him or her immediately, but you are not required to trust the person immediately, and allow him or her to continue hurting you. He or she must prove his or her self over time trustworthy before you can attempt to restore trust.
- Fellowship is not an action of monopoly: Fellowship means mutual interaction. It is an atmosphere of give and take. The opinion of everyone is important and supreme. When fellowship becomes monopolized by the opinion and ideas of only one person, it is no longer fellowship, but a practice of monopoly. Monopolistic fellowship is deceptive, hypocritical and destructive. This account for the reason why small groups in the church of today are lacking in the fire that is required to set aflame the bond of sincere love. This fellowship becomes shallow because they concentrate on killing time with each other instead of spending time with each other. And when we do gather it one person that dominate the discussion of the day, and when that person is not around the others must wait because only his opinion has being considered acceptable. What an error! Everyone has something to offer, and until you give them the opportunity, you cannot benefit from them. Hear me; Fellowship becomes interesting when we all benefit from all that make up that fellowship.
If small group in the church can search for common ground through participatory interaction, and engage them selves in things that empowers and establish their relevance in the society, there shall exist a bond of love amongst them which no power in the whole universe can subdue, and there shall be massive revival in the church and the almighty God shall be happy with the work of his servants. The church will become more meaningful in the lives of the society, and there will be joy in the land of the living. Well, I will not proceed further in this regard; I will visit it properly in subsequent articles.
10. Loyalty: To build, maintain and sustain true fellowship, you and all the people you connect with must be dependable, trustworthy, and faithful. You must be devoted to each other. You must be able to watch each others back, and be able to manage their lives and represent them in good light before the public. It is the spirit of loyalty that makes men to sacrifice their lives, position, prestige, comfort, money, and affiliation to defend their friend and rescue him in the time of need. Ask your self am I a loyal friend? The test of true love is the commitment to an undulating loyalty.
My pastor, Papa Ayo Oritsejafor, said, ‘Your love is not strong enough until you are able to love a person to his fault’. I have been pondering over that statement, and every time I look at it, it makes more sense to me. That was exactly what God did; he sent his only begotten son Jesus Christ to die for us even while we yet sinners. Our fault did not stop him from loving us. Once you have decided to make someone your friend or fellowship with him realize that you must love him irrespective of his fault or short coming. He may have a major character problem, but because your sustenance and well being is attached to him, you must love and remain loyal to him. Most, especially if they are your leaders in some way. The church today lacks loyalty that is why we are stabbing and killing each other over issues of non consequences. True Fellowship can only be established in the presence of an undulating Loyalty.
Friend in conclusion, I want to say that building, maintaining and sustaining true friendship requires some level of commitment to hard work. But when properly sustained, its benefits are enormous. Let everyone who desires to be happy in life, make as his daily task a certain level of commitment to build quality contact; for this will help him to reach where his talent and skills may not be able to reach. It will help him maintain relevance and live a continuous life of victory in places and times unimaginable. He that fails to do this shall have problem with his harvest and live in perpetual atmosphere of turmoil, catastrophe and un-achievement. This statement is pregnant and because of that I am going to repeat it for emphasis sake. It more profitable to commit statement of wisdom like this to memory, than cramming theories that are completely irrelevant to your life, and to where you are going to.
Let everyone who desires to be happy in life, make as his daily task a certain level of commitment to build quality contacts; for this will help him to reach where his talent and skills may not be able to reach. It will help him maintain relevance and live a continuous life of victory in places and times unimaginable. He that fails to do this shall have problem with his harvest and live in perpetual atmosphere of turmoil, catastrophe and un-achievement.
Before I live you, I will want you to ask yourself, ‘What major steps can I take today to connect with people at more genuine heart-to-heart level?’ When you have found answers to this question, make it your daily task as long as you live, you will experience more happiness, you will have reliable and loyal friends, and your life will fulfill at ease your life’s purpose.
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Precious Ogholaja.
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